100 Days (4th Feb 2013 – 14th May 2013)

A hundred days of me and you,
A hundred days of love, its true.
A small, quiet, unremarkable milestone
It may seem.
But to me, it counts as a cherished testimony,
Of two people deciding to take a gamble
To believe,
To stand by,
To trust in each other.
We have had trying times,
When ears weren’t there to listen,
When arms weren’t there to catch,
When eyes were hurt and confused.
Yet we stand here now,
Past every fight and past every argument,
Closer with each lance of pain we’ve caused.
The hands of time spin around the clock
Becoming nothing but a blur
Upon the printed numbers
As minutes turn into hours and hours into days.
We will always complain of not having
Enough time
Because when our hands
Hold one anothers
Time seems to elude us
Unable to catch it
And grind it to a halt
Although we have one life to live,
With you it feels like I have lived
For different lifetimes.
As strangers
As Friends.
As a Butler and a Miss.
As boyfriend and girlfriend
As bears.
I do not know
Which life, time will take us to next
But I do know
That if anything
I will be glad
To be holding your hand
Over and over again
In the face of every sadness
Every tear stained face
Every happiness
And every smile.
We will hold each other tightly
Hurtling through lives
Time and again
Together.

Expectations

I no longer know
What you think of me
Or what expectations
You have of me
Maybe it’s better
To have none at all
Wouldn’t it be easier
To live so freely
But then you are afraid
Afraid that things will turn out like the last
And you won’t answer
Even if i ask you why
I don’t understand
What you want from me
Lost and confused
Is where you’ll find me

Guilt

A night to forget
A night to detest
Yet I cannot escape from the fact
That it was caused by my own hands
Your glistening tears fell
From the other side of our phone call
Staining these hands
That hold you tightly everyday
With an invisible
Odorless stench
I reek of it
This smell called Guilt

Older Together

The three lettered word
I had hardly hoped to hear
Was uttered from your lips
Quietly
Softly
And sheepishly
The world seemed to
Expand and deflate at once
A long deeply held breath
That I never knew I was holding
Released in a single moment
You hid away
Behind your bag
Red and embarrassed
But smiling nonetheless
So numb I was
I barely felt myself
Smiling with you too

Fearful

A white dagger
Plunges through the blue sky
Pointing me to a cave
That Darkness itself
Seems to call home.
I enter with trepidation
But a blazing heart
To light the way
Dulls the fear of the unknown.
The cave is fraught with
Pitfalls, traps and slipper places
Where a single misstep
Could spell the end.
I fear not
Because you are there
To guide my heart
As I follow blindly. Though,
I wonder
What if you were to
Suddenly disappear.
I would call out
Lost and afraid
The fire within
Doused in a single moment
And every step
Trembling in excruciating fear.
After time, I might just
Hate you
For a pathetic reason
Such as this.

A kiss

It is a memory
I wish I could forever engrave
Into my mind
I think of it often
In the fear that
It slips away
A forgotten memory
“There is a gentle pressure
“Across both my legs
“My hands wrapped
“Around your waist
“And yours
“Resting on my shoulders
“An idea comes to mind
“A playful one
“I sit up, look you in the eye
“And ask ‘trust me’
“Without another word
“My hand moves to the small of your back
“The other interlocked with yours
“Like a ballerina
“Or the finale of a tango
“You leaned down
“Further and further
“Till you were almost flat
“And I, leaning over with you”
My memory slows here,
Choosing to take in
The little things
That could distract me from this point
The sunlight bounces off your midnight hair
Refracting like there is a golden halo
It cuts through the thin foliage
Constantly blown about by the wind
Strands of your hair fly about
But all of this
Lasts only but a brief moment
Before I am thrust back
In to a memory
That keeps on going
“Frozen in time,
“For only a moment we were
“Eyes once locked,
“Saw nothing else
“Words were said
“But no sound uttered
“From either of our lips
“I lean
“Further down
“And the world becomes a dark shell
“Leaving only touch, smell, taste and sound
“My hand burns in your back
“But it draws little attention
“Away from the feel of my lips
“against yours
“It only lasts a moment
“A moment and no more
“Yet it is all I need to
“Remember your taste
“Addicted to your lips
“A fragrance lingers
“Between us
“One so light
“Anyone else would miss it
“Our kiss is silent
“But my world
“Shouts it aloud
“Our lips part”
And once again
I am held
Transfixed by your gaze.

Happy Valentine’s Day

One breath, one touch
One word, too much.
A sigh, a laugh
A smile, I’m done.
You’re overwhelming and in turn
I can barely hold myself together.
You hold me
With a single word
And I will move for you
If the words ever leave your lips.
Even if Weariness grips me
Weakness tempts me
Sleepiness claims me
Or Fear freezes me
I still stay with you
For every pace
Step by step
Into the future

Patience

Frozen you were
But thawing now
The block of ice that once
Encased your body and mind
Now a puddle of water
Pooling at your feet.
There still remains
A thin layer
Unmelted by the
Single candle I hold to you
Everyday, unwaveringly.
Your touch is cold yet warm
Like the eternal burning branch
Locked away behind inches of ice.
It is addicting
A mind boggling thing
To know that with a single stroke
A flick of the wrist
You would have me
Mumbling and stuttering
Like a broken, talking toy.
Every day I grow increasingly
Comfortable; silence fills the gaps
That I would have before
Filled with chatter.
I simply smile wordlessly
Whilst I stare into your
Brown jeweled orbs
That stare right back at me
Questioningly.
But occassionally,
Occasionally it felt like
You’d understand
Exactly what I was thinking
And your lips would curve
In the same fashion as my own.
You tell me to slow down
But I do not know how.
The ice will not reform
The bonds once forged
Never lost.
Instead I hold my candle close to me
Burning as the heat intensifies
Without licking at your ice
To soothe the raging fire it becomes.
Your light is captured
Within your frozen frame
Fracturing into hundred colors
As you dazzle me
Like a crystal ballerina.
I imagine your hands
To be unlike the cold stones
That they appear to be
A warm sensation
They would hold
Smooth as silk
And just as slippery
Where if I don’t hold it
Just right
Then it would slip through
The cracks between my fingers
For now I am content
To simply watch over your icy shell.
But sometimes I linger
Before leaving,
Left to wonder
What you would be like
Outside of your cold prison.
Holding hands
As our heads lean against one another
Against the setting sun.
I shut the door,
Leaving behind the imaginary
Waiting for it to become
Reality.

Burning

The realization is slow
As it dawns over me
Creeping and climbing
That I am waging
A losing battle.
Carefully thought out plans
Incinerated by your stone cold gaze.
I have prepared
Time and again
For you to let me down
But you raised me up instead
And when maybe
Just maybe
I allowed a ray of hope
To seep through
The cover of my well
You boarded it up.
It seems like you aren’t ready
Perhaps you never will be.
My candle burns defiantly
Against the dark room
Waiting for you to switch on the lights.
I fear my time runs short
For the wick is almost at the base
Set to drown and be extinguished
In all that it has burned and spent before.

Lighthouse 2.0

Miles away
And further still
You are from me.
I am happy
But homesick.
I long for the lighthouse
Standing tall by the cliff side
With waves crashing on the rocks.
Your words and actions
Are the key
To the padlocked door
Staring back at me.
On the surface
The grained wood is playful
And flirty
But its depths and contents
Lost to me as I can only wonder.
My heart is held prisoner
At the top where the light
Does not shine on my ship
Fighting in the seas.
I can imagine the end
But I will not see it
Before it arrives
Smashed against the rocks
Beneath your feet.
It must be a long and winding
Lonely staircase.
So won’t you let me in,
My dear lighthouse keeper,
And we can climb it together.